We’ve all had THAT prospect. You know, the one who comes in, wastes everybody’s time, and then leaves without buying sh!t. Then, they come back again at a later date, just to waste more of your time. It can frustrate the best of us. I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to reach through the phone or across the desk and choke a prospect for playing games.
Unfortunately, we can’t close deals that way. Oh but if only it were that easy. What if we could really say the sh!t that’s on our mind, to prospects. What if we could really tell them like it is. Even though for most of us, this is not an option, it would be nice just to tell it like it is, for once.
I’ve had to tell a few clients off in my day. Most of us have. Even in those situations we’re forced to choose our words carefully. Sometimes people just need a reality check. Most folks live in a dream world. They’re not awake. It’s our job to wake them up and close them. Often times, the prospect is his or hers own worst enemy. Sometimes you gotta reality check ’em.
There are several famous sales phrases that we’ve all dared each other to use. Some of us have even taken that dare and lost a job. If you haven’t screamed one of these phrases at a prospect, I’m 100% sure you’ve seriously thought about it.
F*ck You Pay Me
Ahhh the movie Goodfellas. Does it get any better when it comes to gangster flicks? How many times have you sat across from a prospect or even a manager and thought about saying “F*ck you pay me” I know I have. Hell, I said it once to a client and he paid. Well, not a first but after threatening to get Goodfellas on his a$$. When you know they’re bullsh!tting, you know you want to say it.
Show Me The Money
We’ll just stick with movie phrases for a second. Ever since Tom Cruise yelled “SHOW ME THE MONEY” you know you’ve wanted to scream it at a prospect or two. Especially when you know they are full of it and playing games. When they are beating around the bush and stalling, all we want is them to show us the money.
I hate it when I get a verbal agreement, I draw up papers and then the prospect just stares at it or starts asking more questions. Damn stall tactics set my temper off. It’s like “What’s the deal? You’ve already agreed, I put the terms right here, sign the f*cking papers you schmuck.” We’ve all been there.
Quit Bullsh!tting Me
I hate time wasters too. I got sh!t to do, so if you’re a friggin tire kicker, go beat someone else’s rubber. Most of us are commission only, if we waste time with one prospect, we’ve missed an opportunity to close another one. People love to bullsh!t. They bullsh!t their friends, spouse, job, and life. Not me, I hate that sh!t and it takes everything I’ve got, not to tell them “quit bullsh!tting me”
Buy or Die
Another great movie quote that we all wish we could use. I actually used this on an email once. It was the last autoresponder in the series. People actually bought stuff because they respected me calling them out. My audience is all salesmen though who’d obviously seen the movie. You know you want to say it to prospects when they start stalling. I don’t think HR would appreciate it though.
Are You Gonna Buy This Sh!t or Not?
Just tell me up front if I’m wasting my time or not. Don’t pretend to be a buyer if you’re just a liar. If you have a sales process, it takes a few minutes to walk a prospect through it all. I don’t want to waste my time on a prospect that is indecisive and not ready to pull the trigger today. If you’re a window shopper, go stand by the window.
Get Outta Here You Friggin Bogue
Ever put in hard work on a sale, get everything in order, come to terms and get papers drawn, only to find out the prospect has sh!tty credit, no money and owes debts to everyone who’s ever helped them. Dammit! I’m getting mad just thinking about it. They know they can’t qualify, yet they waste our time and energy. These are the kind of people you just want to tell to kick rocks. If only we could call it like we see it.
While we may not be able to say these phrases and keep our job, we damn sure think about saying them every time the issues arise. Sometimes the thoughts in my head are so loud, I wonder if I actually said sh!t or not. Nothing gets us salesmen heated quicker than someone who’s wasting our time.
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