My entire life I never viewed myself as a leader. I've met a lot of amazing leaders in my life, but I never even...
5 Signs You’re Friends With The Wrong People And How To Replace Them
Posted on March 22, 2016
They say “you’ll have the average income of the five people you spend the most time with” and they speak the truth. I firmly believe that our alignment is more important than our assignment. Meaning who we hang with, determines where we go, more than what we are doing to grow.
Do you think Warren Buffet and Donald Trump hang around with their drinking buddies from the frat house in college? I assure you they don’t. They are surrounded by people who are the best at what they do. This in turn, makes Warren and Donald the best at what they do.
There’s this thing called “regression to the mean” and basically it’s a law of averaging. The longer people hangout together, the more they use the same words, same accent and mannerisms. We rub off on each other.
One major human flaw, is that once we commit to another person, we tend to stick with them no matter what. This is evidenced by people who remain in abusive relationships (like us, in this abusive relationship with sales.) People hate being wrong. Admitting you need new friends, is admitting you were wrong in your selection. Most people can’t do it.
I’m usually pretty quick to cut ties with folks. I like to keep my circle tight. I also make sure the people I let influence me, are the right ones. I was just in Portland last week and all the homeless people gather together there. Committed together to losing. Maybe if some of the homeless tried hard to fit in and associate with the homeowners, they’d have a home. Crazy how that works, huh?
If I were a gambler, I’d bet that you need to take serious inventory of who you hang with. My old middle school principal used to say “hang around rattlesnakes and you will get bit” this applies to our friends. They will bite us financially, physically, mentally and so on.
If you’re overweight, look around at the people you hang with. Do they take care of themselves? Are they overweight, too?
If you’re broke, look around at the people you hang with. Do they have jobs? Are they broke, too?
If your family life sucks, look around at who you hang with. Do they have great marriages? Are they good parents?
It’s easy to see. You become who you hang with.
Sometimes a sign is right in your face and you can’t see it. Ever miss an exit off the freeway? Signs are everywhere but we are used to ignoring the ones we don’t need, so occasionally we miss the exit we need. All I’m going to do is make you aware of the signs, it’s up to you to make the exit or not. Cool? Cool!
You Only Get Negative Advice: Many people reading this are entrepreneurs and salespeople. The rest of the world just doesn’t get us. They have no clue what we do or how we do it. When we ask those around us about starting a business and they say things like “I wouldn’t do it. Sounds too risky,” that’s a sign to GTFO of there and find someone qualified to give you better advice.
You see, misery loves company. If they are slaving away for $30,000/year and you tell them you have an idea for a million dollar venture, they won’t praise you for doing something they can’t do. They will attempt to keep you on their level. Every time you try and escape that level, they will try even harder to pull you back. They’ll say “I told you it was tough. You can always get a job” but you need to push through the tough times. Of course, it’s tough, or everyone would do it.
None of Your Friends Do What You Do: If you are the most successful person you know, you need to meet people. If none of your friends are in similar businesses to you, you need like minds to surround yourself with. Sure, you may not want to be around someone to talk shop all the time, but if you’re passionate about what you do, you probably do.
If you’re an entrepreneur and your friends are all W2 employees, none of them really get who you are and how you roll. You need someone to speak with, who gets you and who can help you avoid mistakes, grow and other great things that come from alignments. If you can’t find people like you locally, find them online. Join masterminds and go to meet ups. It’s not hard to find like minds, these days.
They Still Party While You’re Still Focused: I’m not against partying. I just got back from four days of solid drinking up in Portland. However, there’s a time and place for everything. There was a time when I couldn’t afford to drink. I chose to stay focused instead of party. Now, I party like a king when I want. Focus first, play later.
You know the friends that call you and ask you to come party with them, and then get mad when you decline in order to work? Yeah, those guys/gals got to go. If they don’t get you, someone will. There’s almost 11 billion people on this planet, someone out there needs you as a friend. A perfect friend for you is like finding the perfect spouse. But if you’re not searching for them, you’ll never find them. Funny how that works, huh?
They Give You Sh!t for Following Your Dreams: When your friends work a 9-5 or not at all, they try and guilt you for following your dreams. They will say you work too much. They will say you’re wasting your time. They will tell you to get a real job. Just because that’s what they’ve done, doesn’t mean you can’t do something bigger. The scariest thing is that when entrepreneurs are having hard times (we all do) these arguments from sh!tty friends start to seem compelling. This is where many would-be successful people, quit.
They Are All Broke: If you’re the one always footing the bill, you’re in the wrong spot. People who need us, make us feel needed, but people who take advantage of our kindheartedness, suck. Like I said at first, eventually you will become who you hang with. You stay with broke friends, you end up broke. Next thing you know, you’re leaching off someone successful. For a J.O.B.
You needs friends with experience, success and advice you can use. It’s easy to find people to party with. It’s not so easy to find someone you can learn from and have honest talks with. This is where quality over quantity comes in. I’d rather have one successful millionaire friend to talk to, than 100 broke ass friends to take care of.
I’m sure you’re wondering how you unfriend someone other than just on Facebook. It’s just like blowing off a date. You just say you’re busy. Worst case, go find you someone to date and blame it on being cuffed. This doesn’t mean you can’t be their friends though. It just means you can’t hang with them all the time like you usually do. Less hanging. Less BS, negative conversations and shitty advice.
To go up, you have to give up. You have to give up what you’ve been doing to get where you are, in order to go up to the next level. Oftentimes, relationships are sacrificed. Friendships lost. Divorces occur. And everything else. When we find ourselves changing, others make the decision to change with us or split. Oftentimes, they split. It’s up to you to make the change. If they follow suit, great. If they don’t, great. You do you.
We have a group of entrepreneurs, sales people and folks who get it, called Sales Talk With Sales Pros where you can find people with like minds, in your area, to connect with. Join the group. It’s a great place to start the search for new friends.