A few days ago I commissioned a painting of Bruce Lee from one of my favorite artists Rob Secades. I was telling Ashley (my wife) how I was going to hang the painting in my office. She suggested I get more paintings of badasses for my office. She’s full of good ideas like that.
I did what any other social media expert would do. I asked facebook who they thought were the baddest assed mother fuckers of all time. Surprisingly, most everyone’s answers were similar. Lots of actors, historic figures and athletes.
I started off with a list of 20, but I couldn’t get everyone I wanted on the list in with just 20 spots. So I expanded it to 30. Look. Don’t freak the fuck out on me here. I’m aware I put Jesus on the same list as Genghis Khan. Also, don’t bitch about the order they are in. It was hard enough to order these BAMFs as it is. I don’t need your 2 cents. If you want, make your own fucking list.
Let’s skip the rest of the explanations and get to it. Without further stalling, I present to you the Top 30 Bad Assed Mother Fuckers of ALL TIME. I’ve also added details to why they are on this list according to my opinion.
1. Bruce Lee: Bruce blew mother fuckers minds when he hit the scene. He basically brought martial arts to the USA. Until he existed everyone thought bigger was better. He proved that was not true. At 135 pounds he stood the most powerful man on Earth. PLUS he kicked Chuck Norris’s ass. Hence why Chuck ain’t on the list.
2. Tupac Shakur: You may know Tupac (2pac) as just a rapper but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Tupac was an extremist. He was not a rapper. He was an intellectual poet speaking from a streetside view. He said shit rappers today wouldn’t dare say. If you listen to the shit they don’t play on the radio, you will realize Tupac stood against everything and was not afraid to say it. That’s probably why many think the “industry’ or Government killed him.
3. Elvis Presley: Elvis changed the way people danced and listened to music. In a time of great turmoil due to race issues and wars, Elvis helped bridge the gap missing in America. His music had people of ALL races sneaking out to dance together to it. He wasn’t afraid to be himself. He went all in and is still one of the most famous names of all time. Even his name is sacred. When’s the last time you met someone under 50 names Elvis?
4. Genghis Khan: Most of you probably wonder how the hell the mascot from Genghis Grill made this list. You need to listen to “Wrath of the Khans” by Dan Carlin. Genghis is the most deadliest man to ever walk this planet. He killed 100s of millions of people from China to Europe. His legacy is so brutal and deadly he’s left out of most schoolhouse history books.
5. Michael Jordan: The coldest dude to ever hit the court. You can ask anyone on the streets “Who’s the best basketball player of all time” they will ALL say Jordan. If they don’t say Jordan, they are douches. This guy has more championship rings than fingers on one hand. He’s such a badass that he’s 51 and still an underwear model.
6. Joe Rogan: Joe is my #1 all time hero. I just love his brutal honesty. He’s hosted Fear Factor and practically every UFC fight this last decade. Many don’t know this, but Joe is a serious intellectual. He’s smart as shit and has NO PROBLEM speaking his mind. You know you’re a badass when you host the UFC and still talk shit without issues.
7. Dave Chappelle: “I’m rich biotch” hot damn I love Dave. Dave is one of the only people on the planet who cashed his chips and retired before he expired. At the peak of his career he said “I’m out. I’ve made millions and I’m just gonna go live now.” The media tried to paint him as crazy but he knew he had to get out before they tried to turn him into a puppet. Funny thing about Dave is that he still has a shit ton of money. He’s a smart, badass.
8. George Carlin: In a time when no one wanted to question religion or politics, George decided he’d spread the work via jokes. He’s one the rare comedians that can make you mad, laugh and feel fucking stoopid all at the same time. He said VERY unpopular shit for his time. Without fear or giving a fuck he stuck to his guns and died a legend.
9. Abraham Lincoln: Most people associate Lincoln with freeing the slaves. While he did play a big role in this, his real badassery comes from the real reason for the Civil War – The Federal Reserve. When Lincoln was president he was fighting for freedom for ALL Americans from massive debt. Lincoln was a commoner who’d been BK and faced many failures. When he got elected he fought ALL forms of oppression. Total bad ass mother fucker.
10. Martin Luther King: To be a black man in the 60’s was hard enough. You had no voice, no rights. MLK was not going to sit on his ass and take that shit. He took his mission to the streets and raised awareness for civil rights like none other. He knew he’d end up dead. He knew everyone wanted to kill him. To the point the Gov had him killed to silence him and them pinned the murder on a white guy. That really happened and the FBI paid a settlement to Corretta King just a few years ago. Fucking Legendary.
11. Henry Rollins: In my opinion, Henry Rollins is the King of Hardcore. From his music, to his lifestyle to anything this badass does. He’s all in and not afraid to be himself. He was punk when punk wasn’t cool. He was willing to fight for his right to be who he wanted to be. Even his later TV roles have all been him playing a badass. Plus he’s pulling to end all wars. I hope he can accomplish it. War sucks.
12. Steve Jobs: I’m typing this right now on a MacBook Pro while streaming my iPhone to an apple speaker. Fuck YEA!!! Steve changed the world as we know it. Without lifting a fun or swinging a sword! Steve left Apple in the 90s and everyone thought it was going to die. He came back in the 2000s and turned it into the most profitable company in the entire world. From failure to absolute power, that’s how badasses roll.
13. Chuck Liddell: When the UFC first gained momentum and popularity it was Chuck Liddell who introduced our wives and girlfriends to bloody noses and instant knock outs. This dude went from being a CPA to beating the living shit out of anyone who got in the ring with him. Chuck was such a BAMF other BAMFs got their hair cut like him to show how fucking bad ass they were!
14. Nikola Tesla: Nikola died broke and in debt so you and I could enjoy electricity. That fucker Thomas Edison would have you believe it was all him, but that’s not true. Nikola was one of the rare humans who actually wanted to help us over make money from us. I’m able to use my laptop and see in the dark because Tesla devoted his entire life to creating power.
15. Felix Baumgartner: In case you don’t know Felix, he jumped out of a space station with nothing but a spacesuit and parachute. I’m not sure what qualifies someone as a badass in your book, but this is THE definition in mine. When I watch the replay of him jumping, I get chills. It’s amazing to see what can happen when they bar is set to new heights. RedBull gave him wings to fly down from space. FUCK YEA!!!
16. Marshal Mathers: Arguably the best rapper to ever live. Eminem came out with a style no one had ever even dreamed of. He said whatever the fuck he wanted and dealt with all the shit storms that came with it. At one point he was one of the most hated entertainers ever. He taught us that if you don’t have haters you ain’t doing it right. Go whiteboy Go.
17. Jesus Christ: Jesus is such a badass people go to hear stories about him told from pulpits in glorious building 1-5 times a week, 2000+ years later. People purpose their entire lives around his teachings. What most people don’t know is that Jesus was a warrior. He and his gang of 12 didn’t fuck around. They called out Pharisees and ultimately was commissioned to be killed by his Government. All the while bringing a message of love and peace when it seemed there was none for him. That’s why we love him, yet have never even met him.
18. Ron Paul: This guy technically should be our president right now. The media shut him out even though he was winning. He’s predicted every crisis and war we’ve got into, since he started making predictions. He’s called out the entire congress from the floor! He chose to live a humble life and not take bribes or extort people in the normal political way. He’s exactly what ALL politicians should be like, yet none are anything like him.
19. Travis Pastrana: Can you do a double back flip? Can you jump off the grand canyon on a dirt bike? Travis can. He can also do just about any other fucking insane stunt you can think of. He makes Evel Knievel look like a little bitch. Travis must have nuts a big as boulders. This is a guy who will break his bones, laugh and then get back up to ride again. Fuckin a TP!!!
20. Elon Musk: In our lifetime our transportation methods will change. Elon will be the main reason for this. From vacuum trains to space travel, Elon will be the one that brings them to our planet. He’s already changed the way we do global currency exchange. Most don’t know but he basically invented paypal. This guy is in it to win it. In 15 years I wouldn’t be surprised if Tesla is the #1 automaker on the planet.
21. Willie Nelson: If I could smoke weed with anyone, it would be Willie. Matter of fact if you have the ability to make that happen, hit me up. Willie was a badboy in an industry that only wanted good Christian folks playing music. He smokes weed and picks guitar like no other. When Willie got in tax trouble he started Farm Aid to keep moving on and helping millions of farmers in the process. He gave the Gov a big middle finger and lived to smoke a joint and tell about it.
22. Tiger Woods: We guys could all say Tiger is a badass because he fucked more bitches than Ron Jeremy and Wilt Chamberlain combined. Not to mention he has a wicked drive. He was such a sensation at a young age, he has one of the most profitable divisions of the #1 sports apparel company on the planet. He changed the entire image of golf. Tiger fans yell they don’t clap.
23. Mike Tyson: Mike is such a badass, no one would ever tell him to his face he has a funny voice. Hell, I’m scared even typing about it. I remember as a kid watching Mike come out to DMX and beat the living fuck out of whatever poor bastard they talked into getting into the ring with him. He proved to us how easy it was to blow a fortune and no one say a thing to you about it. He also beat that dude’s as in the Hangover.
24. Sanjay Gupta: My man! Sanjay took a very unpopular stance with modern medicine and made it popular. He’s one of the few big name Doctors to get 100% behind medical marijuana despite great criticism. He’s not afraid to tell the truth in an industry full of lies and greed. He’s even garnered his own PR to make entire shows dedicated to bringing the truth to the world about the powers and benefits of cannabis.
25. Michael Irvin: What isn’t badass about Mr Irvin? Dude was the best receiver to ever play the game and didn’t give a fuck. He drank, smoked, took drugs, fucked hoes and still showed up 100% ready to kill it on Sundays. You could count on Mad Michael to win the game. Plus he has always kept it real. He’s owned up to his shit and basically said “That’s just how I do me. Fuck it.” That’s f’n gangster.
26. Travis Barker: If you say the drummer from Rush is the best ever you are fucking old and delirious. Travis Barker is the best drummer to ever walk Earth. If you are the best ever at something, you are automatically a badass. He took the simplest guitar riffs for Blink 182 and made amazing drum tracks that changed the way punk rock sounded. Listening to Travis drum, you’d think he has 4 arms to drum with.
27. Carl Sagan: The nice scientist devoted his life to “figuring” stuff out from a worldly view not some ideology. He didn’t get angry or speak out against churches and mainstream beliefs, he just debunked them with logic and science. Most of what we know about the cosmos and evolution are derived from Sagan’s research. He was such a big thinker in a powerful way, it was impossible not to include him on this list.
28. Martin Luther: Most of you have no idea. Martin Luther was an instigator. The modern day Bible exists because of him. In a time when you weren’t allowed to read or question authority, he translated the bible and nailed it to the church door with serious questions. This sparked a war and forever changed the way the world would look at religion. He had questions he was willing to die to get answers to.
29. Chris Kyle: The deadliest man to ever join the American military. His bullet to death ratio is nearly 2:1. He has more kills recorded than any other sniper in history. He created one of the biggest private security firms on the planet and was the target of many Government on many occasions due to his ability to kill fucking anyone from anywhere. This guy is missed my ALL of us Texans especially.
30. Floyd Mayweather: It is what it is. You can’t beat his ass. No one can knock him out so shut the fuck up. Floyd is out of his mind and will be broke as Mike Tyson 5 years after he can’t fight any more but until then, I’m not talking shit to him. He’s a fast mother fucker and all he knows how to do is win. That’s badass to me. Well, there you have it. Many of them killed for political reasons. All of them gangster as fuck. One day, some how, I’d like my name to be on that list. Wouldn’t you? The good die young, I want to die a badass. If you enjoyed reading this, share it with your badass friends on social media. Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog while you are here.